Astropup’s Zodiac Tales

Bark, Bark. Woof! Oh come on, let’s face it, you understand me better than I do myself. You also understand me more than you understand your own human species. I have decided that if that cowardly dog Courage and that goofball Scooby Doo could have their own television shows, I could at least have my own horoscope column. After all, Lyka went to space and Pluto has a planet named after him! So hi, I am Alert Bhowbhowwala, the astropup who is here to make your pet’s life a little easier. My predictions are to be taken with a grain of salt and a healthy dose of humour.

Aries

Your pet certainly is in no mood to partake in your adrenaline rushes and may plot a pee attack soon in rebellion. Beware!

Taurus

You need to take your pet into confidence. They are done with your carelessness and it is time you feed them a gourmet meal instead of the store bought dog food.

Gemini

Your pet is as freedom loving as you are. It is recommended that you un-collar them at home or you are going to wake up one fine day to some nasty Fifty Shades of Grey stuff, no kidding.

Cancer

Be the kind person you are and treat your pet to a belly massage. They deserve it too! If you aren’t the kind person you should be, how about getting checked if you were adopted? Do you really know your birthday? Only kidding!

Leo

Your fiery spirit is not suited for the indolent weather and your pets have earned themselves a popsicle, just for putting up with you!

Virgo

Did you just manipulate your pet into eating something healthy that they didn’t want to? Valar Morghulis! Pet bites are coming for you, soon.

Libra

It’s okay to not be balanced sometimes. Your pet was searching for their toy in your bed and messed up a little. It’s okay, right? RIGHT?

Scorpio

Jealousy is not just for you, your pet too is going to rip the other ‘pet’ in your life apart, if they smell them on you for one more day!

Sagittarius

You’re funny. Hope you can take a joke as your pet shreds your shoes strutting about because they’re so shiny!

Capricorn

Just like you, your pets are hardworking. Sighing, looking out of the window and wondering when you would be home is a tough job, you know!

Aquarius

Don’t try your great ideas on your pets. They don’t like to be dyed pink!

Pisces

Get out of your dream world and stop getting new pets everyday! Your pet doesn’t like to share and feels that there is not enough love to go around anyway.