On popular demand and for unending queries, I, the Agony Dog, will help you with your human related problems. Teaching them a lesson or bending your own will, it entirely depends on the problem!

Q. Dear Agony Dog, I have a lot of annoying guests coming home these days. How do I make them leave early?

-Pet Fedup

A. Dear Pet Fedup,  two words. Dry hump. While barking does not have the same effect anymore, sex talks (and walks) gross humans out. Go ahead, give their leg a seductive try.

Q. Dear Agony Dog, my humans eat chips and chocolates between meals. I get hungry too. What do I do?

-The Hungry Minded Dog

A.Dear The Hungry Minded Dog, steal their chips when they are not looking. They will always blame their siblings. Just remember to not loll your tongue out in satisfaction. That’s a dead giveaway.

Q. My human watches ‘Game of Thrones’ and cries for dead and abandoned dire wolves. Why such a hue and cry for fictional dogs, am I not enough?

-A Very Real Dog With Real Feelings

A. Dear A Very Real Dog With Real Feelings, as I have always maintained, tit for tat is the best tactic of them all. Pick your favourite Game of Thrones character (one suggests Jon Snow, he knows nothing anyway!) and wag your tail when they appear on screen. It will make your human abandon the show once and for all.

Q. My human goes to work and leaves me alone at home. I feel neglected and abandoned. How do I pass my time?

-Never Been Loved

A. Dear Never Been Loved, it’s an opportunity most pets would stop swallowing socks for! But, might I suggest, total neglect also means total freedom. Roll on the bed, pee in the shower, mess up the kitchen. Your home is your playground!

Have a question?

Ask Agony Dog at petfedindia@gmail.com  and tame your parent to the wag of your tail.