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Agony Dog Solves Your Dog's Misery

The Agno(y)stic  Dog

The world believes in God, or rather used to. We believe in humans, or rather used to. We are now agnostic, we aren’t sure whether to believe in the goodness of humans or be wary of our parents too. Bonjour, all you misery-stricken pets! The Agony Dog has an answer to all your problems.
 

Q. Dear Agony Dog, my human constantly collars me and takes me out to do my business. Woof! How do I make him understand that if they can do their business inside the house, so can I. There’s something called privacy, for Dog’s Sake!

-Distressed dog with no chill

Distressed dog with no chill

A. Dear Distressed dog with no chill , we need to act in solidarity and make them taste their own medicine. Most humans don’t lock their doors while peeing, so go right ahead inside the bathroom while they tinkle. Make them as embarrassed as you feel when someone’s looking at your nuts and bolt. Serves the sadist right!

 

Q. Dear Agony Dog, my human came home from a restaurant called “Puppychino”. He was smelling of different dogs and that sent my olfactory senses into frenzy from worry. He wants to take me there. Why should he think it’s acceptable for me to meet his ‘other’ loves?

-Burning with jealousy

Burning with jealousy

A. Dear Burning with Jealousy, I have heard of this ‘sensational place’ where pets meet humans. It’s a meet, greet and eat concept! You need not worry. Use reverse psychology. Go and play with other humans. It’ll send his olfactory (and love) senses into a frenzy too!  

 

Q. Dear Agony Dog, I have gained a few pounds. What if I am ignored for a thinner, prettier dog? Should I be worried?

-Lab with a lot of flab

Lab with a lot of flab

A. Dear Lab with a lot of flab, show those furry enemies of yours that you be the best puppy of ‘em all. You can flip on your back for a belly rub from a human or another dog’s bitch, for good measure. Use your puppy fat to your advantage! Keep at it, you are flabulous!

Have a question?

Ask Agony Dog using #AgonyDog and tame your parent to the wag of your tail.




 

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