Give Your Pets The Weekend They Deserve!
New

How To Lose Your Pet Virginity

It’s less demanding. Definitely more rewarding. Not fleeting or transitory but a lifetime of guaranteed happiness. There's nothing to be afraid of. Come closer, why don't you? We don't bite. Actually, we do but then again, there's no need to be too careful, is there? Loosen your body to us. Appeal and you shall be bestowed with great showers of love and pet drool. Let us not smell your fear. Drop your inhibitions and you’ll be serving us on hand and foot already. Here's how you can be a serial pet lover:

1. Stay still. Breathe. Don't blow a kiss. Don't dare to fire a gun. We assure you there won't be anyone to lean on. 

2. However glorious it may be to see a strange human cower behind another one of his species, it is also pitiable. Stand straight. Look us in the eye like you would another friend. No handsy stuff allowed though.

Pet Virginity

3. You are a human. Not hooman. Or anyone in our family honorifics unless we decide that you are. Definitely not a master. These are not the stone ages!

4. It takes two to tango. But only one to hump. We normally won't let you touch us. But if we do offer you our head to scratch, it's an imitation for a belly rub too. In exchange for our head, we expect your leg. Fair enough?

5. The key is to always pay attention to us. We would show you our material wealth of socks and toys but it takes an extraordinary human to share it with. Sorry to prick your vision board, but you aren't that. Obviously. 

Pet Virginity

6. Remember; scream and we can scream louder. Run and we can play catch faster. Hit us and we can bite you harder. We don't, because you are important to our human family. 

In all, it’s not a breeze. But it’s easy-peasy. We just want love. And acceptance. Just like you. So... friends?

 

Post a comment