Agony Dog to the stars!

Festive greetings to you, wonderful pets! Unleash your whoofers and pump up your bae-ss. ‘Tis the season to be merry not only for humans but for us too. With new gifts of collars and coats comes the agony of sparkles and bangs resonated in the air, all month long. Fret not, friends. Agony Dog promises to put all you glum but awesome chums out of your misery, taking bangs out one at a time.

Q. The gunpowder of crackers smells really bad. My olfactory senses go on an overdrive. How do I make my human stop?

- Dog who wishes to be Voldemort

A. Dear Dog who wishes to be Voldemort,

Play Tinker-Tailor-Soldier-Spy. Tinkle and put tailored poo bombs inside the house constantly like a soldier on duty. When your human has to stay out and survive the air, he’ll understand your problem. Hence, no crackers.

Q. Navratri fasting festival is around. I hope my human doesn’t make me keep one.

- Forever hungry and growing

A. Dear Forever hungry and growing,

If she makes you keep the fast, pretend to gobble socks and her shirts. Chew the newspapers and his office files. Roll on your back and grunt. Play dead. Navratri should not mean rotting for you.

Q. Humans constantly come bearing sweets this month. How do I earn some sweetmeats for myself?

- Not a good boy

A. Dear Not a good boy,

Don’t scare the prey away. Let them enter the house, wag your tail and make them sit. Take them in confidence and then, howl like it’s a full moon day. You can now enjoy the sweets that they dropped in fright, you are not a good boy anyway!

Q. My human gets me gifts for Diwali. As they haven’t yet invented  pet pocket money, what can I gift him in return?

- Dog with zero present skills

A. Dear Dog with zero present skills,

Not all gifts require money. Give your human his old socks back, your shiny chocolate wrappers and teething leather cricket balls to play. But make sure you take it back, you don’t intend to let him keep it forever!